Fat Song

When im dressing its most depressing,
all I wanna do is see past my boobs,
I haven’t seen my feet in years,
I have to fight back the tears,
My tears of lard,

Being a victim is hard.

Jam rolls bread rolls fig rolls cheese rolls
sausage rolls ham rolls make my rolls my rolls
And my rolls, they just wont budge, and these stupid health freaks say i cant eat fudge or
Chocolate dark chocolate milk chocolate and toffee
Don’t tell me that i cant put sugar in my coffee
What not even milk? come on thats just unfair
I’ll just put extra cream on my chocolate éclair

You’re killing yourself in the words of the GP
Oh yeah thats right its all down to me?!
Ive told you before it’s hereditary,
plus ive got big bones, and weird hormones

its not my fault, im definitely prone
to acquiring cushioning on my hip bones
I even drip fat from my erogenous zones

so it’s NOT a choice and a don’t have a voice,
im sick and tired of being labelled as a being greedy
But that isn’t true and im definitely not needy

Im very tired from my walk round the shop
Can I get a lift home please from the bus stop?
Pushing that trolley for nearly a whole hour
My muscles are all fat, i just don’t have the power

Can you also pass me the remote to the tv?
Jeremy Kyle's on at ten and they're MUCH fatter than me

Can you also give me a hand up out of this chair?
I forgot to put the cream on my chocolate eclair.
So no, im not needy, i get by just fine
And theres more to life than a person’s waist line

A drain on the economy? How dare you say that?!
Ive got enough to deal with, im already fucking FAT!

I pay my taxes, I pay for taxies,
I buy enough twixes and other sugar fixes
to fund a whole nation,
with room for inflation,
and not inflation of me,
although inevitably,
because I can't lose weight
and as much as I HATE the world around me
nothing’s going to change
and they say im deranged
and ive got rabies and mange
and I stink and im lazy
and I’d probably eat the daisies
 if I could just bend over to pick one....being fat is not fun

But at least im jolly, yeah big personality,
isn’t that what they say?
Its kind of like being gay,
you compensate in other ways.


So don’t pick on the minorities
what counts is whats inside of me...
What? Heart disease and diabetes?
General fatigue and clogged arterties?


No don’t give me that, the doctors chatting shit!
They just don’t understand that i just cant help it
I like chip sandwiches with cheese melted
Its up to me if i don’t want to shit

But no I like being fat and I am who I am
Maybe you should try it, have you ever tried spam?
Pork pies are good too, probably too good for you
You stuck up skinny bitch, I bet you never get a stitch